In the Pulpit

Following His lead, ignoring my fear and thoughts of "You don't really have to do this", I plunged forward. Sat beside Dana in the pews until my name was called.

You could have heard my heart beating throughout the sanctuary on that long walk to the pulpit. I'd brought my journal with me, marked with highlights over the important stuff throughout, hoping that I wouldn't go tongue tied and forget what I wanted to say. I know that I referred to it - had to refer to it - but delightedly, the words flowed from me. I made eye contact with the congregation, smiling and almost feeling at ease once I'd begun. You'd have thought I'd been doing this my whole life - well, at least stood in the pulpit for more than just dress rehearsal for choir.

I admitted my insecurity of speaking with them, sticking out my foot from the podium to share my wild socks that gave me the strength that Edna assured me. I'd told them what I shared with all of you about being Edna's liason. And my doubt with Dana. My first impressions of this eccentric little woman. And the mass WOW of our grouping once she began speaking.

I continued:

"Just days before coming to the retreat, I had been given a calling - a major one that I could NEVER imagine myself fulfilling at this time in my life - still can't wrap my hands around it. And her topic on "Timing is Everything" impacted me to the core. The suggestion, she said, that God's timing is impeccable and if we waited for everything to be perfect, nothing would get done. (Eccl 11:4) I'd wanted to say, no...really, I think His timing really STINKS, big time!

(Laughter)

But isn't it amazing - miraculous even, if you allow yourself to believe in those things - that maybe He knows what you need even better than you? That possibly He was waiting for THIS specific time in my life in order to offer it to me? Though I feel ill-equipped for the job, possibly NOW is the time of my life when I'm best able to tackle it because of all my experiences - even the *mistakes* - of my past.

I'd never have gotten here without the spiritual growth that I've gained through my small group. I went into that experience somewhat begrudgingly - and they've grown to be the people I look to for support most in my life right now.

Cuz you know..... I've never been like all of "you". Those who seem to, every Sunday - just GET it. Walk in His ways, speak and pray with eloquence, always doing the right thing. And heck, I didn't WANT to be one of you either. I'm a rebel, a colorful, sometimes *irreverant* thinker! (gasp)

But over the last two years in my small group I've realized, He doesn't want to change the authenticity of you or me! He wants to use you - and me - *just as we are* to be in service to Him.

Five years ago, I'd never have dreamed I'd spend a whole 24 hours in a *religious* woman's retreat - yesterday, I'd never have believed I'd be up here speaking to all of you! I just knew I was missing something - something really important in my life. And if I hadn't allowed myself to be open to Him - then I'd never have been able to see the blessing He's given me in the last two years of my life......even those I'm not willing to see as blessings.

I'd like to propose a challenge to all of you, as Dana did to all of us yesterday. If my sharing here today has spoken to any of you for some reason - that maybe you feel that you're missing something and you are not connected *somewhere* in the small group opportunities offered here at church, then seek it out. Whether it's a personal interest in singing or quilting or scrap booking or the children's ministry or a Bible study, strive for it with a gusto. Move beyond whatever fear holds you back and seek it out.

Life is too short, my friends. And I strongly believe that it's through our Christian fellowship that our spiritual growth takes off - our connections - letting it all hang out with others willing to do the same. Don't wait and hope it comes to you through your passivity, sitting in the pews gathering what you can from the sermons each week. There's so many of His blessings in store for you - we just have to have the openess...the GUTS...the lack of fear in the *moment* to discover it.

And at the very least, ladies of (our church) - sign up for the women's retreat for next year. I think we're having *HER* back!"


I did it. And in writing it here, I honestly can't believe that I said all that. That I was that gutsy, that bold, that brash and open about myself. It makes me wonder if I could do it again.

Of course I could...God does for us what we can't do for ourselves.

After that sermon, we had two people request which small group I belonged to.